Where To Go To In December

December is here, which means the world has slapped a giant ugly sweater on reality and is demanding we feel festive. But let’s be honest: between battling mall parking lot gladiators and trying to remember if that coworker likes scented candles, you might need to run away for a bit. Lucky for you, the planet offers some truly bonkers escapes this month, from frozen tundras to sun-scorched beaches where Santa swaps his sleigh for a jet ski.

The Classic Ice Cube: Lapland, Finland

If you’ve ever wanted to see Santa’s actual HR department, head to Lapland. Up here, the sun barely shows up for work, sulking behind the horizon for a few hours before clocking out again. The temperature laughs at your coat, dropping to -30°C, which is, scientifically speaking, the point where your nostrils freeze into tiny icicle mustaches.

But here’s the surprise: you can sleep in a glass igloo and watch the Northern Lights dance overhead while wearing thermal long johns that look like sausage casing. It’s basically a disco in the sky, except the DJ is a giant magnetic field. Just don’t forget to bring reindeer snacks—they’re not for you; they’re for bribery when you inevitably get lost in the snow.

The Honest Truth

You will spend 90% of your trip trying to keep your phone battery alive. Pro tip: keep it in your bra or armpit. I’m not joking—Scandinavian survivalists do this. And if you’re male, congratulations, you now have a new use for your sock drawer.

The Sun Worshipper’s Revenge: Cancún, Mexico

Alternatively, you could do what any sane mammal does in December: flee the cold. Cancún in December is the human equivalent of a grievance—against sweaters, against snow shovels, against that one neighbor who puts up his lights in October. The temperature sits at a smug 28°C (82°F) while your friends back home are chipping ice off their windshields.

The best part? You can drink a margarita the size of your head while sitting in a hammock that’s suspiciously shaped like a giant hairnet. Swim with whale sharks, yes, but know that they are gentle giants who eat plankton. That means they’re basically the ocean’s vacuum cleaners—harmless, but weirdly majestic.

A Shocking Fact

December is actually the driest month in Cancún, with almost zero rain. You know what else is dry? The jokes at your office holiday party. So pack your sunscreen and leave the umbrella at home—you’re not Mary Poppins, and this isn’t London.

The Glorious Pile of Chocolate: Bruges, Belgium

If you want to feel like you’ve stepped into a snow globe that smells like waffles, go to Bruges. This town is so ridiculously medieval that it’s basically a movie set from a Harry Potter spin-off about a very chubby wizard who only casts chocolate spells. December dusts its cobblestones with snow, turning every canal into a postcard that screams “Eat me, I’m on holiday.”

But here’s the secret: Bruges has more chocolate shops per capita than any city on Earth. You will stumble into a store that sells chocolate shaped like body parts, cartoon characters, and your own inevitable regret after eating five truffles. The whole city smells like cocoa and lies—the lie being that you can “just have one sample.”

Real Talk

The Christmas market here sells mulled wine that will warm your soul and then trick you into buying a wooden clog keychain. It’s a trap. But a delicious one. Also, the mussels are the size of a toddler’s fist, so prepare to fight a marine battle at your dinner table.

The Ultimate “I’m Too Cool for Christmas” Option: Tokyo, Japan

Japan in December is like if a Christmas tree had a cyberpunk cousin who only wore designer LED lights. The illuminations are insane—whole streets turn into cascades of blue and white lights that make you wonder if you’ve accidentally walked into a Tron audition. And it’s not even a religious thing; it’s aesthetic.

The weirdest part? You can eat KFC for Christmas dinner. Yes, Kentucky Fried Chicken is the traditional holiday meal here, thanks to a marketing campaign from the 1970s that never died. People pre-order their “Christmas Chicken” weeks in advance, and you might see a queue of salarymen in suits holding a bucket like it’s a holy relic. It’s both hilarious and deeply confusing.

Don’t Miss This

Visit a public bathhouse (onsen) where you soak in volcanic hot springs while snow falls on your head. Your brain will short-circuit from the contrast. Just remember: no tattoos (or hide them, we won’t tell). And whatever you do, don’t drop your towel—Japan is polite, but your dignity is not covered by insurance.

The Only Logical Conclusion

So where should you go? If you’re a masochist who loves reindeer and frostbite, go to Lapland. If you want a margarita and a sunburn, Cancún. If you crave chocolate and cobblestones, Bruges. And if you want to eat fried chicken in a hot spring while watching a light show from the 22nd century, Tokyo.

Basically, December is a month where the world dares you to pick a climate and a food coma. Don’t let the holiday stress win—pack your bag, grab your passport, and remember: Wi-Fi works everywhere now. Even Santa’s workshop probably has a TikTok account. Go forth and confuse your relatives with photos of you in shorts while they’re shoveling snow. You won’t regret it. Well, maybe the jet lag. But that’s a story for January.