Does Piers Morgan Own A Pub

So, you’re sitting there, nursing a pint and wondering: Does Piers Morgan own a pub? It’s the kind of question that keeps you up at 3 a.m., between the existential dread and the second glass of wine. Well, grab a seat, because the answer is both simpler and more baffling than you’d think.

Let’s cut through the noise: No, Piers Morgan does not own a pub. Not a single one. Not a cozy little boozer in the Cotswolds, not a trendy gastropub in Shoreditch. The man who has an opinion on everything—from Meghan Markle’s curtsy to the perfect fry-up—has apparently never thought, “You know what I need? A sticky carpet and a jukebox that only plays ‘Wonderwall.’”

The Fantasy Pub That Could Have Been

But imagine, just for a moment, if he did. What would it be called? “The Belligerent Bull”? “The Arguing Aardvark”? You’d walk in, and the sign would read: “We reserve the right to argue with you about the correct way to pour a Guinness.” The staff would wear tiny bow ties and look perpetually irritated, like they’ve just been told their football team lost to a pub league.

The menu would be carnage. A “Meghan’s Revenge” burger (served with a side of cold tea), a “Wall of Silence” salad (mostly lettuce, zero dressing, because you wouldn’t get it), and a “Prince Harry’s Apology” steak—which is just a raw potato with a toothpick in it. The wine list? Two options: “Red and angry” or “White and condescending.”

Rumors That Spread Faster Than A Pub Bladder

So why does this rumor even exist? Partly because Piers is so loud, so ubiquitous, that people assume he owns everything loud and ubiquitous—like a Wetherspoons or a megaphone. In 2020, a viral tweet claimed he’d bought a pub in his hometown of Cranleigh, Surrey. The tweet said he’d renamed it “The Cancel Culture Arms.” It was complete fiction, but it spread like spilled beer on a sticky floor.

Then there’s his infamous feud with James Corden. Remember when they argued about, well, everything? Someone joked that they should settle it in a pub fight. Corden would grab a bread basket; Piers would brandish a quill. The rumor grew legs. But no, Piers Morgan doesn’t own a pub—he owns a soapbox, and it’s parked outside every television studio in London.

The Surprising Truth About Piers And Pubs

Here’s the funny part: Piers Morgan hates the whole “local pub” vibe. In a 2021 interview, he called them “overrated germ factories where people pretend to like each other.” He prefers private members’ clubs where the toilets have hand towels and the staff nod politely while he talks. Fancy a pint with Piers? Sorry, you’d need a membership card, a tie, and a signed waiver agreeing not to mention the Royal Family.

But wait—here’s a twist you didn’t see coming. Piers does own a hospitality business of sorts. He’s part-owner of a tequila brand called “Courageous Spirit.” Yes, the man who once said “avocado toast is ruining millennials” now profits from a liquor that makes you dance like a millennial. The irony is thick enough to spread on toast.

What If He Actually Bought A Pub Tomorrow?

Let’s play a game. Piers wakes up, buys a pub, and names it “The Penny Farthing of Discord.” What happens? Day one: He changes the pub quiz to “controversy trivia”—every question is about whether the royals are necessary. Day two: He bans anyone from ordering a “shandy” because it’s “un-English.” By day three, the pub would be empty except for three loyalists and a confused squirrel who wandered in.

The real kicker? For a man who claims to love “the common man,” owning a pub would require listening to the common man. And Piers Morgan listening to anyone is like a cat listening to a lecture on quantum physics—it’s not happening. He’d rather hire a robot to drink for him.

The Final Verdict (Served With A Side Of Snark)

So to answer the burning question: No, Piers Morgan does not own a pub. He owns a Twitter account, a TV chair, and possibly a collection of eyeliner pencils. The pub rumor is a beautiful, ridiculous myth—like Bigfoot, but louder and more prone to tweeting at 2 a.m.

But here’s the real surprise: He doesn’t need to own a pub. Piers Morgan is already a pub—a loud, opinionated, slightly out-of-date pub where the beer is warm, the arguments are cold, and everyone leaves feeling both entertained and slightly annoyed. And that, my friends, is a very British kind of magic. Cheers.