What To Do On Passover

So, Passover is coming. You might be staring at your calendar like, “Okay, what’s the deal with this holiday?” Don’t panic. I’ve got you. Grab your coffee—metaphorical or literal—and let’s chat about what to actually do on Passover.

First, Clear Your Pantry

Passover is famously about no leavened bread. That means no bagels, no croissants, no pizza crust. It’s like a gluten-free challenge you didn’t sign up for, but it’s actually kind of fun. You get to play detective, hunting down every crumb of challah in your kitchen. Channel your inner Sherlock—just with a vacuum cleaner.

Some people get really into this. They scrub counters, line shelves with contact paper, and hide the toast crumbs like contraband. You don’t have to go that far unless you want to impress your in-laws. Either way, clearing the pantry is a power move: you’re reclaiming your space from bread tyranny.

Host a Seder—Or Crash One

The Seder is the main event. It’s a long, ritual-filled dinner where you retell the Exodus story. Think of it as a play, but with food and wine. You’ll have a plate with weird things: a shank bone, a roasted egg, some bitter herbs. Don’t worry; no one expects you to eat the bone. It’s just there for dramatic effect.

If you don’t want to host, crash a friend’s Seder. Bring a box of matzah (the big, cracker-like bread) and a bottle of kosher wine. You’ll be the hero. Just be ready for the “Four Questions”—usually recited by the youngest person. Yes, you might have to sing them. Own it. Your off-key voice is part of the charm.

And here’s the secret: the Seder has four cups of wine. That’s not a typo. By cup three, everyone’s friendlier. By cup four, you’ll be best friends with the person next to you. Just pace yourself, unless you want to confuse the plagues with your phone contacts.

Eat All the Bitter Herbs (and Then Some)

Let’s talk food. Passover cuisine is surprisingly delicious when you lean in. You’ll eat matzah brei, which is scrambled eggs with soaked matzah—like a savory French toast, but better. It’s a breakfast miracle. You’ll also encounter charoset, a sweet paste of apples, nuts, and wine that tastes like autumn in a bowl. Dip your bitter herbs in it. Yes, you eat horseradish smothered in fruit paste. It’s weird, and it works.

Don’t forget the gefilte fish. It’s a controversial topic. Some people love it; others hide it under their napkin. I say try it with a glob of horseradish. If you still hate it, blame tradition and reach for the matzah ball soup. That stuff is non-negotiable—fluffy, salty, and healing for the soul.

Play the Afikoman Game

Here’s where the holiday gets silly. During the Seder, you hide the afikoman—a piece of matzah broken earlier in the meal. The kids (or the competitive adults) hunt for it. Winner gets a prize, usually a toy or money. It’s Passover’s version of an Easter egg hunt, but with carbs. If you’re the one hiding it, hide it well—behind the couch, inside a winter glove, or in the fridge next to the pickles. Nothing makes a kid more determined than cold fingers.

If the afikoman isn’t found by the end of the meal, the Seder cannot end. So if your guests are cranky and tired, just “find” it under the table. Claim the prize for yourself. You earned it.

Don’t Forget the Plagues—Or the Singing

Passover has a soundtrack. You’ll sing “Dayenu,” which is basically a “thank you” song, but with a catchy chorus. It goes: “It would have been enough!” You’ll scream it at the top of your lungs. It’s amazing. Then, you’ll spill a drop of wine for each of the ten plagues. This is serious business. You dip your finger in the glass and flick a drop onto your plate. Blood? Flick. Frogs? Flick. Locusts? Flick again. By the “Darkness” plague, your plate looks like a crime scene, and you’re down half a glass of wine. Totally worth it for the drama.

Pro tip: If you have kids, act out the plagues. Jump around like frogs. Crawl on the floor for “lice.” It’s hilarious and exhausting, and they’ll remember it forever. Or they’ll have therapy later. Either way, it’s a memory.

Chill Out for the Next Seven Days

Once the Seder is over (or two Seders, if you’re traditional), you have a week of Passover to navigate. You’ll eat a lot of matzah. You’ll get really creative with matzah pizzas, matzah lasagna, and matzah nachos. It’s like a carb Olympics. You’ll crave a sandwich so badly you’ll dream about it. That’s normal. Just promise me you won’t sneak a croissant in the bathroom. We’ve all been tempted; resist the darkness.

Use this week to reflect on the freedom thing. Passover is about liberation—from slavery, from Egypt, from bad attitudes. It’s a story of hope. So, while you’re crunching through your fifth matzah of the day, ask yourself: what do you need to let go of? Maybe it’s the leftover baggage from winter. Maybe it’s a grudge. Or maybe it’s just the last slice of sourdough. Be free, my friend. And eat another matzah ball.

So, that’s it. Passover is a cocktail of history, food, and chaos. Embrace it. Laugh through the bitter herbs. Sing badly at the Seder. Hide the afikoman like a treasure. And when the week ends, run to the nearest bakery for a bagel. You’ve earned it. Happy Passover!