Alabama Football Schedule 2017

Let’s travel back in time to 2017, a season so intense that Alabama fans probably needed a cardiologist on speed dial. The Crimson Tide’s schedule was a gauntlet of gridiron gladiators, mixed with a few games that were basically glorified scrimmages. Buckle up, because this ride had more twists than a pretzel factory.

The Opening Act: A Gentle Roar

The season kicked off against Florida State in the Chick-fil-A Kickoff Game, which is fancy talk for “let’s play in a dome and eat chicken.” This wasn’t just any Seminoles team—they were ranked No. 1 in the preseason polls. Alabama won 24-7, but the real drama? FSU’s star quarterback DeShaun Watson’s future teammate, Jameis Winston’s former backup, got hurt. Classic college football chaos.

The “Breather” Games (Or So We Thought)

Next up: Fresno State, Colorado State, and Vanderbilt. Sounds like a law firm for farm animals, right? Fresno State was a 17-point underdog and lost 41-10. Colorado State got bulldozed 41-23, but let’s be honest—nobody remembers those games because they were played in a monsoon of boredom. Wait, surprising fact: Vanderbilt actually led Alabama 10-0 in the first quarter! The Tide then scored 59 unanswered points, because Nick Saban’s halftime speeches probably involve lightning bolts.

October: The Month of Heart Attacks

Then came Texas A&M, and the world nearly ended. Alabama won 27-19, but only after a controversial no-call on a fumble that looked like a greased pig escape. Stat nerds will tell you the Aggies outgained Alabama in yardage. But as we all know, yards are like calories—they don’t count if you spill nachos on the stat sheet.

Arkansas was next, and here’s a nugget you can use at trivia night: The Razorbacks had zero first downs until the third quarter. Zero! That’s like going to a buffet and only eating the napkins. Alabama won 41-9, and the only drama was whether the Tide would hit the over.

The Tennessee Voodoo

Tennessee always brings weirdness, and 2017 was no exception. The Vols had a backup quarterback who looked like he wandered in from a local 7-Eleven. Alabama won 45-7, but the real story? Tennessee’s coach, Butch Jones, later compared his team to “a damn yo-yo.” Saban probably just nodded, thinking about his seventh national title.

The Big Boys: LSU, Mississippi State, and Auburn

LSU came to town with a defense that looked like a pack of hungry tigers. The final score? 24-10 Alabama, but the game was a fistfight in the trenches. Fun fact: LSU’s only touchdown came on a pick-six. That means your grandpa’s walker could have scored more points than their offense.

Mississippi State was a trap game—they had a quarterback who would later beat Alabama for the Heisman (cough, Lamar Jackson’s shadow). Actually, no, it was Nick Fitzgerald, who ran for 96 yards. Still, Alabama won 31-24, because Saban’s team sweats jet fuel.

Auburn was the Iron Bowl, and it was ugly—for Auburn. Alabama won 42-27, but the Tigers didn’t score until the fourth quarter. The game featured a 50-yard fumble return by Alabama that should have come with a warning label: “Do not let your children watch unless they like crying.”

The SEC Championship: Revenge of the Bulldog

Alabama faced Georgia in the SEC title game, and it was a defensive slugfest. The Tide won 28-14, but here’s the kicker: Georgia’s freshman quarterback, Jake Fromm, looked like he’d been possessed by a winning spirit. Alabama’s defense sacked him five times, which is roughly the same as a pre-game meal of raw beans.

Playoff Mayhem

Alabama got a rematch with Clemson in the Sugar Bowl. Remember this? The Tide lost 24-6 in a game that was like watching a turtle race on a treadmill. Shocking stat: Alabama’s offense scored zero touchdowns for the first time in 73 games. That’s right—the entire offense joined a monastery for the night. The final verdict? The 2017 schedule was a roller coaster, complete with a stomach-churning drop at the end. But hey, winning 11 of 12 games? That’s like ordering a pizza and only biting into one pineapple chunk—still awesome.

And so, the Alabama Crimson Tide’s 2017 season was a masterpiece of chaos, near-misses, and pure dominance. If you ever feel nostalgic, just remember: football is better when the Tide rolls, even if they occasionally roll off the table.