What Do You Say During Passover

So, you’ve been invited to a Passover Seder. Mazel tov! But now the panic sets in. What on earth do you say when everyone starts chanting in Hebrew?

First, take a deep breath. You don’t need a PhD in theology to survive. Passover is basically the world’s longest, most dramatic dinner theater—with matzo as the star.

The Big One: “Dayenu”

This is your golden ticket. Dayenu (die-YAY-nu) means “it would have been enough.” You shout it after listing miracles God did for the ancient Israelites.

Fun fact: There’s a song with the same name. It’s a crowd-pleaser. If you mess up the lyrics, just slap your thigh and yell “Dayenu!” at random intervals. People will laugh and forgive you.

The song is basically a Jewish “Glory, Glory Hallelujah”—but wilder.

The Four Questions (Let a Kid Handle This)

Traditionally, the youngest person asks “Why is this night different?” It’s cute. It’s scripted. Do not volunteer.

If the kid freezes (they always do), someone’s aunt will jump in and read it in a sing-songy voice. Your job? Look interested. Nod. Say “Ah, good question.”

Quirky fact: The questions are about food. “Why do we eat bitter herbs?” and “Why do we dip twice?” It’s like a culinary mystery novel.

The Plague Drinking Game

Here’s where it gets wild. Each plague gets announced: Blood, Frogs, Lice, Beasts, etc. With each one, you dip your pinky in your wine glass and spill a drop.

Why? Because your joy is diminished when Egyptians suffered. You’re literally crying into your Cabernet. It’s dramatic—and a bit goofy.

After plague #10 (Death of the Firstborn), you’ll whisper “whew” and take a full gulp. Pro tip: Don’t count on your fingers. You’ll lose track. Someone will shout “Lice!” and you’ll spill wine on your shirt.

The Matzo Sandwich (Korech)

You’ll be told to build a sandwich of matzo, horseradish, and charoset (a sweet apple goop). The horseradish is brutal. It’ll clear your sinuses faster than a freight train.

Say this: “Wow, that’s really bitter!” Everyone will nod knowingly. It’s a rite of passage. The charoset is your reward—it’s basically applesauce crack.

If you hate the combo (and you might), just bite the matzo alone. It tastes like cardboard. But hey, it’s sacred cardboard.

The Afikoman Hunt (Like a Snack Easter Egg)

Halfway through, a piece of matzo is hidden. The kids go wild hunting for it. You are not a kid. But if you find it, you can demand a ransom—usually cash or a toy.

Don’t be the adult who steals the Afikoman from a toddler. You’ll get shamed. Instead, whisper to the nearest kid, “Check under the couch cushion.” They’ll love you forever.

When it’s found, everyone shouts “Found it!” and the kid gets a prize. You get brownie points for not being a jerk.

The “Let’s Eat” Moment

By hour three, you’re starving. The Seder finally says, “Now we eat!” Cue a feast of brisket, gefilte fish, and matzo ball soup bigger than your head.

At this point, you don’t have to say anything sacred. Just chew. Compliment the host’s chicken. Say “This matzo ball is so fluffy!”

Fun fact: The gefilte fish is jellied. It looks like a sad science experiment. Eat it fast or hide it in your napkin. Nobody will notice.

Yiddish Crash Course (Bonus)

If you want to sound super cultured, drop a “Oy vey” when the meal runs long. Or “Meshugga” (crazy) when someone spills red wine on a white tablecloth.

But the real secret phrase? “Next year in Jerusalem!” It’s the grand finale. You yell it at the end of the Seder. It’s hopeful. It’s classic. It’s a mic drop.

Even if you have no clue about Jerusalem’s geography, you’ll look like a pro. Just raise your glass and shout it with gusto.

What NOT to Say

Avoid these phrases: “Is this the yeast-free diet version?” “Can I have a burger instead?” and “I’m full, save the dessert.” (There is no dessert. Sorry.)

Also, do not ask why we’re still talking about frogs. The frogs are a metaphor. Or they’re not. Just roll with it.

Most importantly, never say “This is just like Easter.” The person next to you will spontaneously combust. Trust me.

The Grand Truth

Passover is a glorious, chaotic mess of tradition. You’ll say “Dayenu” twenty times, spill wine, and eat bitter herbs while pretending to enjoy it.

But you’ll also laugh. You’ll hear old stories. You’ll watch kids fight over a cracker. It’s weird, and it’s wonderful.

So when in doubt, just smile. Nod. And when someone passes you a bowl of salt water, mutter “Ah, the tears of my ancestors.” It works every time.