U Of Alabama 2017 Football Schedule

Let’s talk about the University of Alabama’s 2017 football schedule. You know, the one that was basically a 12-step program for breaking the souls of opposing teams. If you weren’t there, imagine a giant crimson wave rolling through a sandcastle—repeatedly.

The Warm-Up: Cupcakes with a Side of Thunder

The season kicked off with a trio of games that were less “football” and more “public scrimmage.” First up? Florida State in Atlanta. Everyone called it a “neutral site,” but the Tide brought 80,000 fans and a vat of disrespect.

Then came Fresno State and Colorado State. I’m convinced these games were scheduled so Nick Saban could test out new anger management techniques. Spoiler alert: they didn’t work. By the time the final whistle blew, the Bulldogs and Rams were doing their best impression of human crumpled paper.

The SEC Gauntlet: Where Dreams Go to Die

Now we get to the meat and potatoes—and by that I mean raw, snarling defenses. The schedule hit a rhythm that was less “week-to-week” and more “survival of the fittest.” Take Ole Miss. They came in with a high-octane offense, but Alabama’s D-line treated their quarterback like a piñata.

Then Texas A&M rolled into town. Aggie fans brought their 12th Man tradition, but they forgot the 1st down part. Alabama won 27-19, but honestly, the score felt like a generous estimate—like when you tip a waiter who spilled soup on you.

And Tennessee? Oh, the Volunteers. The Third Saturday in October is usually a slugfest, but this year it was a slugfest where one slug had a jetpack. Alabama clobbered ‘em 45-7, and I swear the goalposts started crying.

The Big One: LSU and the Zombie Game

Let’s pause for the LSU game. It was in Tuscaloosa, and it was raining so hard you could hear the grass begging for a timeout. The final score? 24-10, but it felt like a 10-round heavyweight fight where one guy was wearing cement gloves.

Surprising fact: Alabama’s defense that year allowed fewer than 12 points per game in SEC play. That’s less than what I spend on coffee each week. And they were caffeinated.

The Iron Bowl: Humility Casserole

Now, Auburn came to town in late November. The Iron Bowl is always a circus, but 2017 was a three-ring disaster for the Tide. Auburn won 26-14, and it was the first time all season Alabama looked like they forgot how to football. Jump passes? Interceptions? It was like watching a clown car made of anxiety.

But here’s the kicker—that loss didn’t matter. The schedule was so strong that Alabama still sneaked into the College Football Playoff. Yes, they lost to Auburn, but then they beat Clemson in the Sugar Bowl (remember that? Jalen Hurts got benched, then Tua Tagovailoa came in like a caffeine-fueled superhero).

The Championship Chase: A Fairy Tale with Saban’s Scowl

The playoff schedule was a killer. First, Clemson in the Sugar Bowl. The defending champs thought they had us, but Alabama pulled off a 24-6 win that was basically a public lecture on humility.

Then the National Championship against Georgia. Oh, boy. In overtime, down by three, Tua threw a 41-yard dagger to DeVonta Smith to win 26-23. The Georgia sideline looked like they’d just been told the buffet was closed. Forever.

And that, my friends, is how a schedule that started with a neutral-site thriller and ended with a miracle became the 2017 season. Eleven wins, one loss, and a trophy that probably got its own parking spot in Tuscaloosa.

Final Thought (and a Little Ribbing)

If you’re an Alabama fan, you remember this schedule fondly—like a beloved, violent sandpaper blanket. If you’re an Auburn fan, you remember it as the season your team almost ruined everything. And if you’re a neutral observer? You just watched a ten-ton football machine roll through the South, eating hope for breakfast.

So raise a glass to the 2017 Alabama schedule: Tougher than a two-dollar steak, and twice as memorable.