I M A Celebrity 2025 Lineup

So, the I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here! 2025 lineup has finally been announced. And let me tell you, it’s an absolute banquet of chaos. I’ve already picked my winner, but we’ll get to that.

Let’s start with the reality TV royalty. You’ve got Megan Thee Stallion’s ex-best friend from a Netflix show. Wait, no—it’s actually Kylie Jenner’s former assistant? Honestly, I lost track. But she’s there, and she’s ready to eat a kangaroo testicle on live TV.

The “Who?” Factor (And Why It’s Brilliant)

Every year, there’s at least one person where you squint and go, “Wait… who?” In 2025, that honor goes to Dave from Accounting. No, seriously. He’s a viral TikTok sensation who does tax tips in a banana costume. I’m not kidding.

But here’s the twist: Dave might be the most entertaining of the bunch. Imagine him trying to build a fire while screaming about deductions. It’s already iconic in my head.

The Athlete We All Forgot About

They always bring in a washed-up athlete, right? This year it’s Boris Becker’s second cousin—okay, I’m exaggerating. It’s actually Tonya Harding’s stunt double from the ‘90s. She’s here to “show the world a softer side.” Sure, Tonya’s double. We’ll see how soft you are after a spider crawls in your sleeping bag.

I’m rooting for her, though. She has that look in her eye. You know the one. The “I’ve seen things” look.

The Instagram Influencer You Secretly Love

You can’t have a jungle without someone who’s never touched dirt. Enter Bree Bree, a 23-year-old with 12 million followers and a sponsorship deal with a teeth-whitening brand. She’s already complained about the lack of filtered water. Bless her heart.

But here’s the thing: Bree Bree is going to be gold. She’ll cry over a leaf. She’ll argue with a possum. And we’ll all pretend we’re better than her while watching every second.

The Soap Star Who’s Done This Before

Every year, one person has already been on Strictly, Celebrity Big Brother, and a jungle spin-off in 2010. This year it’s Janice from EastEnders. She’s 67, she chain-smokes, and she’s already threatening to quit. I love her.

Janice will win the “trial of the day” by sheer passive-aggression. She’ll stare down a crocodile until it apologizes. Mark my words.

The Absolute Wildcard: A Literal Comedian

They’ve hired James Acaster. Yes, the dry, sweary British comedian. He’s going to treat the whole thing like an elaborate prank. I can already see him explaining the rules of croquet to a confused koala.

James is my dark horse. He’ll be miserable, which is hilarious. Miserable people make the best TV. Think of his rants about the lack of good tea.

The One Who’s Actually Famous (No, Really)

Okay, for real this time: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is not in the jungle. Sorry, I got excited for a second. The actual “big name” is Lizzo’s flutist. Not Lizzo, just the flutist. He’s very talented, but I’m not sure how that helps with a bushtucker trial.

He’ll probably play a soothing tune while everyone else screams at a vat of mealworms. We stan a versatile king.

The Villain You’ll Love to Hate

Every jungle needs a pantomime baddie. This year it’s Rupert Murdoch’s nephew—again, kidding. It’s actually Gemma Collins’ ex-manager. He once yelled at a waiter for bringing the wrong sparkling water. He’s going to implode in that humidity.

I’m already planning my “Get Him Out!” chant. But secretly, I want him to stay forever. The drama is too delicious.

The One Who’s Just Here for the Free Food

My absolute favorite is Nigella Lawson’s body double. Again, no—it’s Nigella Herself. Wait, is it? No, that’s a rumor. It’s actually Ainsley Harriott’s long-lost nephew.

Whoever he is, he’s already asking for seconds of rice and beans. He’s got the right idea. The jungle is just a paid vacation with weird snacks.

So, Who’s Getting the Crown?

Let’s be real: it’s going to be Janice. She’ll outwit, outlast, and out-passive-aggress the whole lot. Or maybe Dave the accountant will have a secret talent for foraging. Or Bree Bree will suddenly develop a survival instinct. Anything can happen.

One thing’s for sure: I’ll be glued to my screen every night. Grab your coffee, your snacks, and your sense of schadenfreude. The 2025 jungle is going to be a ride. See you there, friend.