Kingston Christmas Market Market Place Kingston Upon Thames

Alright, grab a mulled wine (the only acceptable excuse for drinking hot, spiced grape juice) and let’s talk about the Kingston Christmas Market. It takes over the Market Place in Kingston Upon Thames every year, and honestly, it’s less a market and more a glittering, festive chaos machine. You know you’ve arrived when the smell of roasting chestnuts and fried dough punches you in the face from a hundred meters away.

The Village That Looks Like a Pinterest Board Vomited

The market is basically a temporary village of wooden chalets that looks like it was stolen straight from a German postcard. There are twinkling lights everywhere—like someone hired a million aggressive fireflies to hang out. The sheer density of festive cheer is almost intimidating; one minute you’re looking at artisan cheese, the next you’re dodging a dog wearing a Santa hat.

Surprising fact number one: the market started in 2015, which means it’s only about a decade old. But it feels like it’s been there since the time of Henry VIII, who, by the way, used to hang out at nearby Hampton Court. He probably didn’t eat pulled pork baps, though. His loss.

The Shopping: Buy That Weird Candle You Don’t Need

Let’s be real: you will buy something you absolutely do not need. Maybe a candle that smells like “Birchwood and Regret,” or a wooden Christmas gnome that looks like it’s judging your life choices. The stalls sell everything from handcrafted jewelry to fancy cheese wheels that cost more than a train ticket to London.

One stall I saw was selling reindeer sausages. Yes, you read that right—you can legally eat Rudolph. I tried one. It tasted slightly more polite than a regular sausage, but I still felt like I was committing a crime against children’s television. Pro tip: skip the reindeer and grab a bacon bap. Your conscience will thank you.

The Booze: Your Ticket to Becoming a Human Radiator

You cannot navigate this market without a cup of mulled wine. It’s the official fuel. They serve it in adorable little boots or mugs, and you get a deposit back if you return them—or, like most people, you keep it as a souvenir that will collect dust in your cupboard until next December. Surprising fact number two: the market sells over 10,000 cups of mulled wine each season. That’s enough alcohol to fill a small swimming pool (or a very sad wedding).

If wine isn’t your thing, there’s hot chocolate so thick it’s basically pudding, and spiced cider that warms you from the inside out. One sip of that cider and you’ll be stripping off your coat, convinced it’s summer. It’s like a heating system you drink.

The Entertainment: Where You Become the Show

There’s a small stage with live music—carolers, brass bands, and the occasional man with a guitar who takes himself very seriously. But the real entertainment is you. Watch the crowd: families with buggies playing bumper cars, couples having their third argument about which stall to visit, and that one person taking a selfie with every single chalet.

Surprising fact number three: the market is actually carbon-neutral in its energy use. That’s right—while you’re getting sloshed on mulled wine, the market’s lights are powered by renewable energy. So you can feel both festive and smug. It’s the perfect combination.

The Atmosphere: A Controlled Explosion of Joy

The best part is the location. Kingston Market Place is a historic square, and when it’s crammed with market stalls, it feels like a cozy, chaotic family reunion. You can look up and see the old town hall clock tower, which has been there since 1840. It’s seen a lot, including people trying to fit a three-metre Christmas tree into a Mini Cooper.

The smell of roasted almonds, cinnamon, and fried onions mixes into a fog of pure happiness. And the noise—a constant buzz of laughter, bells, and the occasional “SORRY!” from someone whose bag just hit you in the face. It’s organized pandemonium, and it’s brilliant.

Should You Go? (Spoiler: Yes, But Bring Patience)

Look, the Kingston Christmas Market is not for the faint of heart. If you hate crowds or people who walk slowly, stay home and watch Home Alone. But if you want to feel like a kid again—minus the sugar crashes and plus a disposable income—this is your place. Go on a weekday to avoid the human tsunami of Saturday.

Final surprising fact: the market has its own apothecary stall that sells handmade soaps. Because nothing says “Christmas” like washing your hands with a bar that smells like a forest fire. So grab a glove (it’s freezing), a hot drink (it’s necessary), and dive in. Just don’t buy the reindeer sausage. Trust me.