Things Not To Do On Chinese New Year

So, you’ve scored an invite to a Chinese New Year celebration. Awesome. You’re about to feast, get red envelopes, and watch fireworks that sound like God is rearranging furniture. But before you waltz in like it’s just another Tuesday, pay attention. There are some seriously specific things that can turn your luck from “banana” to “big, fat zero.” Let’s talk about the top no-nos, so you don’t accidentally curse your host’s entire bloodline.

Number One: Don’t You Dare Talk About… That

Here’s the golden rule: Never say the word “death” or “four.” In Chinese, the word for “death” (sǐ) sounds exactly like the number four. So, wishing someone a “Happy New Year with a side of four” is basically asking them to keel over.

If you’re buying gifts, skip anything in sets of four. That includes socks, oranges, or even those fancy goldfish crackers. Give someone four of anything, and they’ll think you’re either a psychopath or a really dark comedian.

And please, please don’t mention ghosts, funerals, or that weird TikTok about a haunted broom. The entire holiday is about warding off bad vibes. You’d be the human equivalent of a pothole.

Number Two: The Transparent Gift Trap

Imagine you hand over a beautiful red envelope—then you realize it’s made of clear plastic. Big mistake. Huge. Giving a transparent envelope is like saying, “I’m showing off my cash because I’m cheap and shallow.” It’s considered incredibly tacky.

Always use opaque red envelopes. And never put coins inside. Coins are for beggars, not blessings. Stick with crisp, new bills. If the money is wrinkled or from 2005, you might as well hand over a coupon for a free insult.

Oh, and never give an envelope with a white or black envelope. White is for funerals. You’ll look like you’re paying your respects to the family’s pet goldfish. Stick to red. Always red.

Number Three: The Sweeping Shame

Here’s a fact that will blow your mind: On Chinese New Year’s Day, do not sweep the floor. I know, your mom is twitching just reading that. But tradition says you’ll sweep away all your good luck and money. It’s like vacuuming up your future inheritance.

If you must clean, do it before the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve. And after that? Let the crumbs rot. If a guest drops soy sauce on your carpet, just scream “Luck!” and leave it. Your ancestors will thank you.

Even worse: if someone sweeps toward you, you’re basically catching their bad luck in a net. Jump out of the way. Consider it extreme dodgeball for prosperity.

Number Four: Scissors, Knives, and Hair Drama

Put down the scissors. And the hair clippers. And that eyebrow razor you bought on Amazon. Using sharp objects on New Year’s Day is said to “cut off” your good fortune. Imagine your luck as a giant, invisible balloon—then you pop it with a paper trimmer. Oops.

This includes haircuts. Do not get a haircut during the entire first lunar month (the 15 days of celebration). Why? Because “hair” sounds like “wealth” in some dialects. Cutting your hair is like trimming your bank account. You’ll go bald in spirit and wallet.

And please, no cooking with knives on Day One. Pre-slice everything. If you have to chop a carrot, you might as well chop your résumé in half. Stick to leftovers or order pizza—just don’t let the delivery guy use a blade.

Number Five: The Laundry and Water Taboo

Surprising fact: On the first two days of Chinese New Year, water gods are believed to visit your home. If you wash clothes or take a shower, you’re literally washing away good luck down the drain. Yes, you’ll stink. Yes, you’ll be greasy. But you’ll be lucky and greasy.

Also, don’t use any newly purchased towels or clothes on Day One. That invites bad luck from the factory. Seriously, some families buy new socks but wait until Day Three to wear them. That’s dedication to superstition.

So, if your hair looks like a bird nest and you smell like a gym sock from 1998, congratulations. You’re doing it right. Your ancestors are probably high-fiving each other in the clouds.

Number Six: The Broken Plate Omen

If you break a plate, a bowl, or any ceramic item during the holiday, don’t panic. But do say the words “Suì suì píng ān” (which means “peace and safety every year”) instantly. It’s a magical incantation to undo the disaster.

If you don’t say it, you’re basically inviting the spirit of misfortune to live in your dishwasher. And if you break a mirror? Oh boy. Seven years of bad luck, but also seven years of awkward family dinners. Just tape it together and blame the cat.

And never, ever offer a broken gift. Even if it’s a joke. “Hey, here’s a cracked vase! It’s rustic!” No. That’s like giving someone a gift of sadness. Stick to new, shiny, whole objects. Your reputation depends on it.

The Takeaway (A Quick, Unlucky-Free Conclusion)

Look, Chinese New Year is a blast—if you survive the landmines. Remember: no fours, no sweeping, no haircuts, no white envelopes, and no knives. Break a plate? Pray to the ceramic gods. Smell bad? That’s prosperity perfume.

Now go stuff your face with dumplings (which look like ancient Chinese money, by the way—eat them for wealth) and avoid talking about the Grim Reaper. If you follow this list, you’ll be richer, luckier, and honestly, a little less stressful. Happy New Year! 🧧