Top Meadow Golf Club North Ockendon Upminster

So, let me tell you about Top Meadow Golf Club in North Ockendon, Upminster. It’s one of those places you drive past, then do a double-take. You know the feeling—when a golf course looks too good to be just down the road from an industrial estate?

I first heard about it from a mate over a dodgy flat white. He swore it was “Essex’s hidden gem.” I rolled my eyes, obviously. But then I actually went. And guess what? He wasn’t entirely wrong.

The Course: More Than Just a Pretty Walk

Let’s talk grass, because golf is basically organized grass-walking, right? Top Meadow’s fairways are immaculate. Like, “I’m slightly embarrassed to get my trolley dirty” level of care.

The layout is a mix of parkland and a little bit of heathland attitude. You get these sneaky doglegs that demand a think, not just a swing. One minute you’re staring at a wide-open invitation to smash a driver. The next, you’re cursing a bunker that plays hide-and-seek with your ball.

It’s 18 holes, par 72, and 6,600 yards from the back tees. That’s proper golf, not a pitch-and-putt where kids on scooters outplay you. For us mortals, the yellow tees are plenty generous—and humbling.

Signature Holes? Oh, You Bet.

The 7th hole is a par 3 over water. I’m not saying it’s scary, but my hands actually texted my wife goodbye before I hit. The 16th is a par 5 that bends like a politician’s promise. If you cut the corner, you’re a hero. If you don’t, you’re foraging in the long grass for your dignity.

And here’s a pro tip: watch the wind. The course sits on a bit of a rise, so your perfectly aimed shot can suddenly get a free ride to New Zealand. Bring an extra sleeve of balls. Trust me on this one.

The Vibe: Friendly, But No Hugs Required

Walking into the clubhouse feels like walking into a well-kept secret. The staff at the pro shop don’t treat you like an intruder. They actually smile. Shocking, I know. It’s not one of those stuffy places where you feel judged for having a beer after a 95.

The members? They’re the real deal. You’ll see a mix of retired blokes who’ve been playing since the Great War and young tykes in logos that cost more than my car. But everyone says “hello.” It’s weirdly wholesome.

Plus, the bar does a decent bacon bap. I know, I know—that’s the real golf review. A course is only as good as its post-round bacon and a pint of something cold. Top Meadow passes that test with flying colors.

Practice Facilities: Where You Pretend You’re Good

The driving range is floodlit, so you can hit balls at 10pm and imagine you’re Rory. There’s a putting green that’s faster than my social schedule on a Saturday night. And a chipping area where you can practice missing greens with style.

If you can’t fix your slice here, you might need a priest, not a pro. But they have a real pro too—Tom, I think his name is. He’ll fix your grip without making you feel like a circus bear. Worth every penny.

Location, Location, Location (And Parking!)

It’s slap-bang in North Ockendon, just off the A128. Easy to find from Upminster, but it feels like you’ve escaped into the countryside. No, seriously—you’re surrounded by fields, not concrete. Until you hear the distant hum of the M25, that is.

Parking is free and vast. I parked my rusty hatchback next to a Beemer that probably cost more than my house. No one judged. Well, I judged myself a little.

And here’s the kicker: you can actually book a tee time online without calling and getting a grumpy answer. Modern golf, people. It’s happening.

The Verdict: Should You Go?

Look, if you’re a scratch golfer who eats birdies for breakfast, you might find it a bit forgiving. But for the rest of us—the 20-handicappers who occasionally hit a shot that feels like a religious experience—this place is heaven.

It’s affordable (check their website, prices change as often as the weather). It’s well-maintained. It’s fun. And it’s not trying to be Augusta. It’s just a really, really good day out with a club in your hand. Or a cold drink in your other hand. Or both. No judgment here.

So, grab your mates. Book a round. And if you see a guy in the 16th fairway looking lost, waving his arms? That’ll be me, trying to find my ball. Buy me a bacon bap after. We’ll laugh about it.