Forest Park Cemetery & Crematorium Photos

Confessions of a Cemetery Photographer: A Tale of Two (Dead) Cities

Alright, gather 'round, folks. I've got a tale to tell that'll make you laugh, gasp, and maybe even check your pulse. I'm a cemetery photographer, yes, you heard it right. I'm the guy who snaps pics of final resting places, and let me tell you, it's not all doom and gloom. In fact, it's a goldmine of surprises and chuckles. Today, we're diving into the wild world of Forest Park Cemetery & Crematorium. Buckle up, kids, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

First Stop: The Gates of Heck

Now, I know what you're thinking, "Why would anyone want to visit a cemetery, let alone take photos?" Well, let me paint you a picture. Imagine the grandest of entrances, the kind that makes you feel like you're walking into a Hollywood movie set. That's Forest Park for you. The gates are so impressive, they make the Pearly Gates look like a budget DIY project. I swear, St. Peter's been trying to get his hands on the blueprint for years.

But here's the kicker, folks. The sign at the entrance reads, "Forest Park Cemetery & Crematorium." Now, I'm no linguist, but I'm pretty sure "crematorium" is Latin for "Hey, look over here, we've got a giant oven!" I mean, talk about a buzzkill. It's like going to an all-you-can-eat buffet and finding out the main course is tofu. But I digress.

Meet the Neighbors: The Who's Who of the Undead

Now, let's talk about the residents. Forest Park is like the Hollywood of the dead. I'm talking A-list celebrities, gangsters, and even a few mobsters who probably thought they'd be spending eternity in a Witness Protection Program. But no, here they are, six feet under, with their names etched in stone for all eternity. Or at least until the next big storm.

I once found myself standing over the grave of Bugsy Siegel. You know, the guy who invented the drive-by shooting. I kid you not, folks, I was so nervous, I almost did a drive-by myself. I mean, what if he wasn't really dead? What if he was just taking a really long nap? I can see the headlines now: "Photographer Wakes Up Mobster, Gets Whacked." Not exactly the kind of fame I was hoping for.

The Great Mausoleum Mix-Up

But here's where things get really interesting. You know those big, fancy buildings you see in cemeteries? The ones that look like they should be housing the Mona Lisa, not the remains of Aunt Martha? Those are called mausoleums. And let me tell you, they're a hot mess of confusion.

I was once photographing a mausoleum when I noticed something strange. The names on the plaques didn't match the names on the crypts. I mean, it was like a real-life game of musical chairs, but with the dead. I half expected to find a note saying, "Sorry, we ran out of room, so we stuck Grandma in the broom closet." I swear, I've never seen such a mix-up since that time I ordered a large pizza and got a large salad instead. And let me tell you, folks, that was a cold, wilted disappointment.

The Art of the Headstone

Now, let's talk about the real stars of the show: the headstones. These aren't your average, run-of-the-mill tombstones. No, no, no. These are works of art. I'm talking angels, cherubs, and even a few stone-faced guardians who look like they've been standing watch for centuries. I swear, some of these statues are so lifelike, I half expect them to start chatting with me. Which, by the way, would be a great way to ruin a perfectly good cemetery tour.

But here's the thing, folks. Some of these headstones are so elaborate, they make the Eiffel Tower look like a paperclip. I mean, who needs a fancy headstone? It's not like you're going to be looking at it, right? I mean, unless you're planning on spending eternity doing a little grave-side sightseeing. In which case, I've got a bridge in Brooklyn I'd like to sell you.

The Final Resting Place: A Surprising Twist

Now, you might be thinking, "This all sounds like a lot of fun, but what's the point?" Well, let me drop a little bombshell on you. Turns out, Forest Park isn't just a cemetery. It's also a crematorium. That's right, folks. While you're out there snapping selfies with the dead, someone's back there turning the dial up to 'roast.'

I know, I know, it's a bit of a downer. But here's the thing, folks. Life goes on. And sometimes, it goes on in the most unexpected of places. So, the next time you find yourself in Forest Park, take a moment to appreciate the beauty, the history, and the slightly macabre humor of it all. After all, it's not every day you get to play tourist in a city of the dead.

And who knows? Maybe you'll even spot a few familiar faces. Just don't be surprised if they're not quite as chatty as you'd hoped. They are, after all, on vacation.